From time to time I discuss books on this site, and it seems I usually wind up explaining why I don't think people should buy those books. Today is different. Today, I want to encourage everybody to read a book, A Sinister Charade: The Global Warming Hoax, by Dan Coffman:
It's not a good book. It's a bad book. It's a really bad book. That's what makes it so great.
The book focuses on a character, Jesse Ngata, who survives an assassination attempt brought on by his outspoken views on global warming. This propels him into a search for a shadowy Russian economist who has spent the last 30 years masterminding a global warming scare to bring down the western world.
Yeah, that's book's plot. It's crazy and ridiculous, and things just get worse as you go further in. Leaving aside the central story, the book's plotting is absurd. A protagonist nearly dying to an assassination then investigating the people who tried to kill him is a story element found in thousands of works of fiction. This book puts a new spin on it though.
After Ngata survives his home being blown up, he decides eco terrorists must have been responsible and proceeds go sailing around the world. He swears off his global warming activism all together, meaning the shadowy organization that tried to kill him no longer has any reason to go after him. They recognize this, and they decide to leave him be. A tenth of the way into the book, the protagonist and the antagonists decide to call a truce and go their separate ways.
Seriously. Ten per cent of the way into the book the author basically writes, "The book's conflict ends." It's awesome. It's the sort of audacious absurdity that makes something which ought to be excrutiating to read a blast instead. It's like how the author has his protagonist survive the assassination attempt.
Now normally, a near death experience is supposed to be a thrilling moment in a book. The reader is supposed to be fooled into thinking the protagonist is dead even though logically they should know he must still be alive for the book to continue on. And when the protagonist is revealed to still be alive, the reader is supposed to feel equal parts relief and wonder at his survival.
Because of all that, authors usually put a great deal of effort into finding some clever or lucky way for their protagonist to narrowly survive. They then devote time and space to developing tension and relieving emotions over the near-death experience. Only the most audacious authors would have the courage to go another route and just say:
The miraculous survival of Jesse Ngata was due in large part to several intricate operations during the two months since a massive explosion drove him into a nearly permanent coma.
And then later have their protagonist make the offhand remark:
The firemen claim a glass wall I'd added to my bathroom blunted the impact of the blast.
I love it. A professional assassin blows up his home with him inside it, and the author decides that's the only explanation we need as to how he survives. It's like at the end of Hudson Hawk when a car goes over a cliff, crashes to the ground and explodes with a man inside. This leads to the exchange:
Hudson Hawk: You're supposed to be all cracked up at the bottom of the hill!
Tommy Five-Tone: Airbags! Can you ****ing believe it?
Anna: You're supposed to be blown up into fiery chunks of flesh!
Tommy Five-Tone: Sprinkler system set up in the back! Can you ****ing believe it?
Because yes, I'm sure that... glass wall really blunted the explosion enough to save his life. That's a perfectly reasonable explanation. We need discuss the matter no further.
I'm not being facetious. I think this book is terrible. It's just terrible in that B movie, so terrible it's funny sort of way. I'm just dying to find out how Ngata gets himself back into the plot. You see, I haven't finished the book. I'm not even that far into it. The book is so ridiculous I decided I just had to write my thoughts as I went through it.
Here's my prediction. Ngata decided to go sailing around the world. I bet he's going to sail into the plot. I bet he's literally just going to sail into something in the middle of the ocean which forces him back into the plot. It's the only thing that makes sense, in that it wouldn't make any sense, and it'd get the story back on track.